My Dramatic Departure

so you want the details of my dramatic departure from the argyle? now, you should know me well enough to be of the understanding i generally don't make a scene (disclaimer out of the way). the night was to be a casual affair with a few of my girlfriends, one of the girls had the relationship talk with her boyfriend, called me in tears, the relationship will be coming to an end as they both believe threes no 'happily ever after' - amicable and sensible in my humble opinion... she did the same to one of the other girls and it was concluded that we needed to take her out, get her drunk, have a great time and forget about the man. blah blah blah.... so, her behaviour was deplorable, as if she's the only girl in the world that has ever had a broken heart. the other girls were offering their undying support. i turned biter and the thought invades my mind 'where were my friends a few weeks ago when it came to fruition that the boy i like isnt into me...'. then another girl said she bumped into a married ex-boyfriend the day before who said he had been thinking about her - she was moping and asking the why questions, the friendly support and advice was endless 'ohhh what should she do'. once again, where was my support sept / oct last year when my married ex fiancé met me out said he wanted all this to be with me, he kissed me. my reaction was, thank g-d i dodged that bullet and after almost 5 years finally over the cheating prick... back at the table i make a snide remark asking if she is considering adultery. polished off my wine, picked up my fur (yes i had my fur shrug - enhanced the scene) and stormed out.

Quote...

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew

It's. My. Life!

I finally got my butt into gear and made it to the Oncologist on Monday 21st January. The news. I’m clear of cancer. I have 10’s of cists I need to keep an eye on…. Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake… That day, hearing that I don’t have an imminent expiry date is the turn around. I just want to live while I'm alive!*

*Obviously Bon Jovi song influenced the above, I did go to the concert on that night

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A phone call in the afternoon made my stomach sink. It was one of my mum’s work colleagues, my mum was taken to the Emergency Room due to abnormalities with her heart.

Mum is okay; she was out of hospital later that night. A blood clot in the lung, she was on a drippy thing and has medication. Instructions were to watch her diet and exercise a little more.

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Not one of my friends enquired about my appointment on Monday. It’s not although my friends didn’t know. This is something that has been on my mind for months. A dark dark cloud hovering over my everyday actions, shadows behind my insincere smile.

I felt so alone. I still feel empty although I know I should be dancing and throwing my arms around with glee…

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* Post been sitting in drafts....

Valentines Day

The day most of the population despise... Valentines Day.

Last year I ended up spending the night home watching bad TV and that was the only option, this year a totally different story. My options were as follows:

- Nice boy invited me over to his place for dinner
- Sweet navy boy invited me over. Lets face it that invitation was just for sex
- RR, my lover boy asked if I wanted to 'catch up' and a subsequent message asking if dinner and drinks in the city was convenient

I had spent the entire day (up at the crack of dawn in fact) up at the Hunter Valley with my cousins and dad. We went to approximately 8 vineyards, sipped various wines and had a delicious lunch at Enzo's (?)

We were on a kinda tight schedule, I wanted to be back in Sydney to meet my boy for dinner.

I met my boy at Bungalow 8, he had a long stem rose for me and a glass of wine sitting on the table for my arrival. He looks good in a suit. He had made a booking at I.Thai, he recreated our first date... I stayed with him all night, even though it was a school night. I gave him his little pressie, he liked. I also drove him to work the next morning.

The best Valentine's day / night I have in memory.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium.In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

The Five Variable Love Test

That love test was a crock of shit!

The Highlights Didn't Stop!

+ Friday afternoon at a minute to 5 (damn early for me) I hopped, skipped and jumped into my car and drove the 3 - 4 minutes to my dad's place with much excitement.

As soon as I walked through the door Aranka and Michal gave me the biggest hug ever and we were all a bit teary eyed... I know it has been 2 and a half years, it feels like the longest time since we had seen each other on the same token it felt like we picked up where we left off.

Dinner was local at a little Japanese place where we shared many dishes and drank a few bottles of wine. Tried Green Tea Tiramisu (because we couldn't comprehend the green tea aspect of a chocolaty, coffee dessert - it was surprisingly good) My cousin and her husband were so surprised that us Aussie's can BYO grog into restaurants - I'd never thought of it before.

Due to the 40 hours of travelling for my cousins and my 'almost 55 hours' of working week we made it an early one to get a great energetic start to the next day.

+ Saturday I put on much more makeup than usual, in a subtle way of course... Michal is a happy snappy tourist here - its great for the memories, but I hate my photo being taken! I feel that my smile looks fake and I hate the contortionists positions to avoid my tummy sticking out of its hiding place.

+ Saturday 'meet my mum' day, we went to my old 'hood Bronte Beach for lunch at Swell - as it was the perfect weather for it, grey clouds, pouring rain, gusty wind and 21 degrees in summer! Lunch went swimmingly (we didn't) mother was on her best behaviour, we had delicious food shared a bottle of Australian wine and we didn't share our dessert, mum wouldn't have it that way.

+ That night I was supposed to go take the gang to see 2 Days in Paris at North Sydney Oval, once again the weather impeded my plans. My boy, my cousins and 2 of my greatest friends had a backup plan, dinner at New Orleans Cafe, I thought it would be the best plans with a live band playing in the background. Nup, no band for the night. I picked up my boy on the way through, a huge tightest of tight hug...

Dinner went as expected with the group of people in attendance. 2 of my girlfriends that direct their attention to any man thats in the proximity and dismissing all the other girls (in other words, D & L were competing for the attention of my boy and my cousins husband even though L is married and they both know my affections toward RR).

The biggest announcement for the night was L. is pregnant!

+ After dinner and a few drinks at a near by hotel (the venue I met my lover boy) I spent the rest of the night in his arms, snuggled and content.... After 6 weeks of his absence the little spark is still there. I'm happy.

+ Sunday we went into Chinatown for the New Year celebrations, I thought the parade commenced at 1pm, I was wrong. It started at 11. We got in a little early (in anticipation for a 1pm kickoff) and caught the tail end of the celebrations.

We spent a couple hours in the Chinese Gardens and Darling Harbour, the first time I've ever been there. We took many photos, drank Chinese tea for hours and caught up on the 2 and a half years past... That night we had a great dinner cooked by my dad which provided for dinner the next 2 nights while my cousins were in Canberra

Unstoppable Imagination on a Brilliant Day

The much anticipated day has come. My cousin and her husband arrived in Sydney at 8 this morning! I've been looking forward to this day ever since we said our farewells in May 2005... This is her first trip to Australia, my father and I have arranged a few specialities for their holiday. Dad is sending them to Melbourne for 3 days and I'm taking then to the Hunter Valley and going for a trip to climb the Harbour Bridge.

I didn't attend the airport this morning however much I wanted to. I've requested a few days off and I guess they would've been a little jet lagged and the only desire would be to settle in at dad's place and have a shower. I'll be going to dad's directly after work for dinner.

Only a few minutes ago my little phone sang its tune and RR! He got back from his south American expedition today. Smiling form ear to ear! After my attempt at witty reply and altogether trying not to sound overly excited my imagination ran wild.

... I went to the airport this morning to meet see my cousin who I haven't seen in 2 and a half years, it was me and my dad, we parked the car in the overpriced car park, walked over to the arrivals gates, past the Krispy Kreame donut stand each having an internal debate whether or not to purchase one then eagerly perused the arrivals board for their flight information.

It was determined that we have good time and waited at the gate for them to come through customs, this is when I see a familiar face, RR walks through the sliding door, he sees me a smile riddled with surprise and a devastating hint of horror... My excitement is still overwhelming as my cousins are about to walk out, RR is anxious I don't see it nor think anything of it and introduce him to my dad!

My cousin emerges from the door, I squeal with excitement, RR would realize at that precise moment it was just serendipitous timing and he scores getting a lift home with us - and I get a kiss that knocks me off my feet...

I'm looking forward to seeing my cousin, her husband and RR so much I'm whilling the minutes to speed by. Happy weekend everyone!!!

Chinese New Year

I had the absolute pleasure of joining Cibby and Rebecca welcoming the Chinese new year....

Many authentic Chinese dishes beautifully prepared by Bec's mum, toxic Chinese alcohol and later complemented by an interesting variety of tea - Bec performed a traditional (I think) tea ceremony and the night continued drinking tea and chatting.

It was a lovely night.

Happy New Year!

I Feel Like...

I'm making the same mistake over and over...

$5.30 Australia Day Long Weekend!

Friday night I had dinner at a friend’s parent’s house – absolutely delicious!

Saturday, I walked my sisters dog (I was house sitting / dog sitting) and then had a nap followed by a BBQ at a friends place. Wonderfully catered. That evening took the dog for another walk then watched a couple of movies with a friend – fox classics… One of my favourite movies too

Sunday I had a lazy start, with dog walking, breakfast making, then lunch at mum’s which lasted hours and a friends b’day party at the clock.

Monday: dog walking (dogs are such high maintenance!) breakfast cooking. I then headed off home for washing and cleaning as I hadn’t been there all week. Then a movie, American Gangster (where I bought a chocolate / mint drink for $5.30)

No drunken antics. No money spent on food or alcohol. I was home before I turned into a pumpkin each night.

Perfection.

Happy Anniversary

It’s officially 3 years of singldom. 3 years. I wanted to celebrate as so many other people celebrate their life choices. I was afraid of being judged. It’s not like I’m adverse to being in a relationship I’m adverse to being involved in a wrong relationship… I’m not going to settle.

As for a celebratory event I went out to lunch with one of my girlfriends from work. One that wont be judgemental and one I believe doesn’t have the interest to pass on gossip.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Simply Fancy

It was to be a simple evening. My plans to see Much Ado About Nothing fell through and I intended to spend a quite night at home... Approximately 11am Mr J. called me and said he had a spare ticket to a play at the Belvoir Theater. How could I say no?

He picked me up from home (after I had a couple of drinks with work) slightly tanked from the 3 glasses of wine we went straight into the theater. I did a google search to see what was on it was either an Aboriginal production or a play about people picking fruit. Both opening night.

We all know how much I enjoy live performances, I was thrilled at either.

When we arrived I was greeted warmly by Mr J's sister and her boyfriend. We were then advised there would be drinks and nibblies throughout the night - bonus!

We had a nice little spot leaning up against the table when I did a double take of a guy walking down the stairs, I recognised him. Obviously everybody else did, before I knew it there were cameras flashing and people gravitating toward him for a happy snap. I tapped Mr J on the shoulder and whispered 'who's that?' Peter Garret. Hmmmm... I don't get star struck, well so I thought. Cate Blanchett, how unbelievably beautiful she is (shorter than what I thought she would be). She's hugely pregnant but still walked with such grace. She brushed past me (literally, almost bumped into me). We also heard Christina Anu was there - we didn't see her though...

The 'stars' were there for Ngapartji Ngapartji and we were there for Simply Fancy. My review will be bias as after the show we were hanging out with Claudia and Charlie who are just awesome drinking and chasing waiters for food. SMH review:

It could be the first line of a bad joke: "A big-time theatre director is sitting at the bar when three amateur actors/directors/writers walk in …" It was, however, no joke for Nick Coyle, Claudia O'Doherty and Charlie Garber, of the start-up theatre crew Pig Island, when the Belvoir St Theatre head honcho Neil Armfield turned around from the bar and asked if they would like to restage their latest show, Simply Fancy, downstairs at Belvoir.

Coyle, O'Doherty and Garber were performing their self-penned, -directed and -acted play at the Old Fitz Theatre in Woolloomooloo in November last year when Armfield was a surprise guest for closing night. "Afterwards, we went into the bar and he was having a drink," O'Doherty told SiT. "We had met him before so we went up to talk to him … he seemed to like the show and he asked if we would bring the show to Belvoir."

Last year the group won Best Independent Production at the 2007 Melbourne International Comedy Festival with The Glass Boat; this year they hope to do the same with Simply Fancy, a surreal comedy about a family trying to find fruit for a birthday. After meeting at Sydney University in 2003, the group wrote and produced their first play, The October Sapphire, in 2004, performed it at small theatres around Sydney in 2005 and took it to the New York Fringe Festival in 2006.

"We wanted to act and produce original plays," Garber said of forming the group, adding that being self-directed allowed them to make changes to the script and performance, if they all agreed. "We have disagreements," O'Doherty said, "but they never come to blows." After opening on Friday in the downstairs theatre, Simply Fancy plays at Belvoir until February 3.

It was such an enjoyable night. I'm so wrapped Mr J asked me along.

Quote of 2007

Remember, you said no one night stands. So, do it twice.

Vikki

'Tis the Season

What does Hibiscus infused Champaign, Beaujolais nouveau, Tequila and a stray white wine have in common? They were all consumed by me on Christmas Eve. I'm getting ahead of myself, let me digress. I worked on Christmas Eve, this is to say I turned up, sent a couple of emails, did a little filing and chatted to a few colleagues about their holiday plans until midday when Chrissie drinks in one of our meeting areas were called.

I thought to myself just one glass, I was okay until one of the managers came around with hibiscus flowers that I just needed to try and until there was only a little champers still left in the bottle that I just *had* to finish off... In true Christmas Spirit I came home for a little cat nap.

Christmas Eve was lovely, I spent the night with RR, we had Beaujolais with Pizza, I giggled so much, I forgot he eats pizza with a knife and fork *shakes head* the wine and pizza reminded me of the night Julia when we had Veuve Clicquot and Domino's Pizza (all because it goes so well together). After dinner and polishing off the wine in no time at all he suggested Tequila. How could I say no, after all he will be in Mexico in a few days time. We watched some carols on TV and School for Scoundrels, pulled out some white wine and snuggled on the lounge.

I had it in my mind all night that this may be the last night I see him, the last night I kiss him, the last night I can lay in his arms... I savoured every moment. In doing so I think I let down my guard a little. Being close to him is so intense, when I think of his touch, his heavy breathing on my neck... I can't refrain a deep breathe... I recall whispering in his ear that all I wanted to do tonight was this.

We exchanged gifts.

I didn't spend the night.

The next morning, Christmas Day, I woke up bright and early, put on my best casual little summer dress, did my hair and make up perfectly. I drove to RR's place. Within no time at all we were at the airport. A hug. The smallest kiss and a farewell have fun and he said he'll call me when he gets back. 7 weeks, 7 weeks in Central and South America with 4 of the boys.

Fuck! I like this guy. I like this guy a lot.

I went to mum's place to assist with preparing some of the food before heading to my sisters who was catering Christmas lunch for the first time. She went all out, lunch was superb other than my exclaim 'what, noone in my family know me! I don't eat ham or bacon!!!!'

My family in Australia is minimal. My mum, sister, nephew and to join us this year my sisters 2 home stay students who are here without family.

It was lovelly.

After lunch we watched Indiana Jones and I went back to mum's where I feel asleep on the lounge for a while before heading home to an empty house.

At that moment I felt lonely. Little Miss I Want To Be Strong and Independent then realised there would be a lot of lonely nights involved if I continued down that avenue.

Boxing Day was the usual for Boxing Day. I spent the day at dad's place with his partner and one of his former work colleagues who doesn't have any family in Australia. I'll be taking down a couple of the recipes. Lunch was delicious. So was the Gin, Wine, some home made type of schnapps, liquor chocolates.

It wasn't enough, I needed something more to take the edge off. Sweet Navy boy had sent me a message on Thursday saying he was back in Sydney - I invited him over.* Just as I remembered. I will always stand by my statement: men in the Navy are here to serve us girls... And he does it so well.

Tonight I'm going to chill at home, I'm alone. Have an early night. Maybe start packing. Tomorrow, I'm off to New Caledonia!!!!! Whooo Hoooooo!

* I'm so right about what I said a while ago 'that I'd be a huge scraggy slut when I move out' oh yep, slept with 3 men in less than 7 days (made out with 5 others, stretching it out to 10 days) - one as a distraction not to let myself get too emotionally attached to RR. Maybe the last time with RR and navy boy to stop me from having the last sexual moment in my memory one that I long for again and again. That didn't work.

Work Chritmas Party (s)

I have attended 3 Christmas Parties for work. It's crazy goodness. The first was about a month ago for the entire company which seemed to be very few people.

I have a feeling I was gossiped about on the night - okay so I was slut dancing with at least 4 guys. Why can't I behave after having my faux champers glass continuously topped up? After the party there was a small group of us that partied on. RR was down the road and I thought it best to leave with him afterall I did have one guy 'Lower Ground Grass Cutter'* Ask me to leave with him. Another send me text messages saying he wanted to leave with me and 'Mr walk around the office with files just to look busy' running his hands on my body while on the dance floor... Not good.

The second party was out near our site office. I wasn't in the mood, maybe because I was designated driver. The speeches detailed the gratitude of all the employees 'partners' there were children everywhere. It was lovely being a part of a more family orinated Chrissie event.

Last night was the last of 3 - our team party. Lawn bowls at Waverton, it's the first time I've gone to lawn bowls. I always thought it would be a fun event. Sun and alcohol, how could it go wrong? Me, the only wine drinker... Finding out the next day I went through 3 bottles of white wine over hours in the sun / rain and missing dinner. Somehow it was approaching 1am, we'd been drinking since 1pm and once again I found myself drunk kissing one of my colleagues, unfortunately I think 3 of our fellow workers were observers to this event, in saying that they were all in very close proximity. I don't want to flaunt this at all.

To this end - no more work Christmas Parties...

*see, I do have some good names for boys

This Dress...

During my wardrobe clean out I found several clothes I had totally forgotten I owned as a consequence I now have a nice array of 'new old clothes'.

For today, I decided to doll up slightly. I pulled out a knee length black dress. This dress was my year 10 formal dress. Usually a high school formal dress is one that I would hold onto for a few years in memory prior to cringing with embarrassment as it goes to Vinnies for a new home.

Not this one. I has no desire to attend my year 10 formal. MFL wasn't able to accompany me - he had his first HSC exam the next day. Even my best mate at the time couldn't escort me, they went to school together. Hence English exam first up for him too.

My two favourite boys were a little concerned that I wouldn't be going to my formal. They planned for Paul, on of their friends in year 11 to take me. With only a few days to find an outfit, an dress that wouldn't hold too many memories, I thought at the time... I picked up this basic black dress.

The night ended up being lovelly, Paul was awesome company. He wasn't too bad on the eye either and considering not a single guy at school even looked at me once. I felt good.

I'm wearing this dress today and I have fantastc memories and I'm totally happy that I can fit into a dress I wore 12 years ago!

Always the way…

During my house hunting expedition I met several potential flatmate's. I’m specific (shock horror) so my initial getting to know you emails and phone calls eliminated several properties.

Anyway*, I saw one property in Kirribilli a few weeks ago right then and there I told the guy I wasn’t interested, not going to waste his time etc… The next day he calls me and asks me out for dinner!

After the initial surprise of the event I thought to myself what a wonderful way to meet someone – you get to know if they rent or own, the condition of their home, what they do for a living and recreational activities. Awesome. I declined of course…

Today by total utter surprise I received a phone call from one of the furniture delivery guys. Immediately I acquire a ‘when are you going to deliver my chest of draws’ attitude but nooooo he asks me if I would like to go out for dinner with him! Crazy! The conversation carried a little longer and he said ‘I thought you would like to meet for coffee, you were very friendly’ my reply ‘of course I was friendly, you were putting together my bed’ – damn foot in mouth disease!!!

So, why is it these two men ask me out for dinner and yet the boy I like barely picks up the phone to text or call…?

* I’ve just started reading Catcher in the Rye and the author uses ‘anyway’ far too often

The Best Text

I've said it time and time again. I love my friends.

Well it's no secret I can easily lead by a man that takes a fleeting moments interest in me... It all really comes back to being in High School and being one of the only girls not to have had a boyfriend. Looking awkward to say the least, more so that the average teenage girl and a name *shudder* a name that brought me ridicule through out those years.

There's one guy, a guy I know nothing should ever happen with - we have great conversation, we kinda click - that is to say I can go off on some random tangent and he follows. Still, nothing can happen. I mentioned this to one of my girlfriends. I also mentioned I would be going out with him where copious amounts of alcohol will be on offer.

I exclaim 'I have no discipline'. During the night I received a text message from her:

No romance explosion with *insert name*!

It came through at the most inopportune time - I burst out in laughter - damn. Priceless.

And no, no romance explosion, however, looking back, if a couple of things were different on the night i.e. external influences. I don't think the message would've had a chance.

Build It & They Will Come

I've finally done it. I moved over the Big Bad Bridge and further north than what I ever anticipated, I also travel over one of Sydney's most beautiful sandstone bridges.

I set up my bedroom they way *I* want it. It's all me. No influences from anyone else. Me. I need one more purchase, that's a bedside lamp. I have my eye on one, its a little expensive but I think I'll do it. 'The feature piece'.

I went for 500 thread coffee coloured sheets, a crisp white doona cover and I kept the 'green theme', after all my grandmother gave me those nice big green cushions - she's no longer with us...

I stand by me bed motto 'build it and they will come' hehehehe. Well it needs to be nice, so time time for relaxation and recreation.

Of course my Venetian Mask came with me and it's in prime position and a pretty pink rose, with compliments Mr J.

The move went with a small hiccup, unfortunately this results in all my lingerie still being in a suitcase... Oh well, it will be fixed soon - I demand it to be.

Theme of Dinner Parties

How is it possible in 2 different houses, suburbs away on Sunday night we both had dinner parties and ended up watching porn?

An Offer

For today I had an offer of assistance from so many of my friends. Me, as stubborn as I am doesn't accept help too often - I like to believe I'm self sufficient. I can do everything on my own but sometimes, yep, I need a helping hand. Friends, not family as expected, boys I've dated, work collegues etc... The only person who didn't offer assistance is RR. So, he is away this weekend for his father's 60th but still an empty 'If I were here I'd assist you' would've been nice.