I thought it obvious that I was upset about the other night, you are actually the only person that didn’t contact me the next day to see if I was ok… I don’t know if you thought giving me space would be beneficial, to me that’s just being insensitive. So, I guess that brings me to the question. Do you want me to be your friend or your girlfriend? Right now I feel like neither, I’m not being critical it’s just how I feel right now.Through a few emails about needing to chat, late this afternoon I received an email from him:
OK, I would much rather have spoken to you about this in person, but now that you have brought it up, we may as well discuss via email. I have enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think that things are working out for us. I’ve been feeling there are differences between us and then questioning whether we suit each other as a couple. As well, I haven’t had the enthusiasm for us that I should, or you deserve. I think we’re good as friends, but can’t see us moving on from there. How did you think things were going?
What can I say, I knew it. My friends heard it when I spoke to them... He was a man I wanted to want but something was just not right.
Another failed relationship.
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In the realm of human relationships, we all inhabit landscapes of intimacy. Each of us as different as the rolling plains and craggy outcrops of our personalities, likes and dislikes. Some of us have verdant fields of sunny dispositions, nary a care in the world, pastures of peace if you will. Others have ankle snapping rocks strewn about in the knee high grass; all appears calm and smooth, but set foot in that field, and be prepared to limp away, tendons torn by misstep. Other still have windswept hills, embedded with callused experiential boulders, buried beneath the stubbled straw, ripe for discovery.
We all have mountains of knowledge, piled high with the rubble of experience that dot the countryside; thickets of interest, wooded areas of impenetrable hobbies; the work of 1950’s painters; an appreciation for Humber Super Snipes; the works of Verdi; or the Star Wars universe where the Jedi Faith is an actual religion and not just an fictive element created by George Lucas based on an amalgam of other faiths. Still others enjoy sensual seas, with waves of pleasure crashing against a sandy bottom, limpid pools left in the aftermath of tempestuous love making.
And we all have those areas of our landscape which are masked by mist, those areas of our personality we keep hidden from view. A predilection for porn; an addiction for alcohol; or compulsion for chocolate.
At the commencement of a new relationship, we face a choice: to boldly explore the other’s landscape; a questioning quest searching for a lay of the land, to understand the geography of this person we’ve met; to see if life within their landscape is compatible with ours. Or we can stick to the shallows of the sea, venture no further than the verdant happy places, and stay away from the mist covered mountains for fear of discovering things we may not be comfortable facing.
As with all exploration, we need to be prepared; ready for any eventuality; mature enough to deal with circumstances as presented, and either embrace the new realm with all it’s fertile pastures, and inhospitable places; or close the metaphysical door to that land, and walk away, if the climate isn’t quite right.
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