Life: Japan

Japan, it was a phenomenal experience.

Let me digress… It was Wednesday 30 June; I had deadline to achieve at work, as at 11am one director had executed the documents therefore we were on track, my anxiety slightly alleviated, distractions were achieving their utmost goal – an email arrived in my inbox ‘travel sale’… How I was longing for a holiday, I had started planning months ago to take a trip to China and Japan early June, planned the dates, looked up flights, accommodation, relevant if required vaccinations, all I needed was the ok from my manager. No, my colleague was going to the World Cup at the time I wished to be away. Disgruntled and somewhat brat like I threw out all the glossy magazines and brochures, so when I saw return flights to Osaka for $681 I thought to myself ‘I can do it!’ I looked at my calendar filled with deadlines and commitments and saw an opportunity, an opportunity soon between the theatre and a friends movie premier, I sent a quick email to my mother telling her my intentions, she said I was crazy, it’s less than 3 weeks away. I felt crazy. I looked at flight dates, it worked, 10 days in Japan between commitments. I conferred with my manager, initially he asked if he had a choice, I said I hadn’t hit ‘confirm’ yet, ‘do it’.

I booked a holiday to Japan, I had never traveled alone before, I can not speak the language, I do not have any accommodation in mind, I do not have a single book on Japan. I have never acted this spontaneous ever before, totally out of character. I was excited, I hadn’t felt exhilarated in the longest time… I liked it. As in all aspects of life I organised, researched and enquired over the next week and booked everything I needed, the bare minimum. The plan was to fly in and out of Osaka, spend a few nights in Kyoto, a few in Tokyo and back to Osaka… Accommodation and transportation arranged, no it was time to sit back in business class style and wait for the journey Japan will take me on…

It was a sensational, a total mind and body detox… No coffee, no liquor (other than my first night in Kyoto where I had to have sake), no men, healthy food, no make up, no heels, no TV, lots of walking in the sun, no shopping, visiting temples and shrines, onsen spas, no talking to people superfluously – at first I couldn’t with the language, then enjoyed it.

My intention was never to remove myself entirely from any social conventions during this holiday, however, the self imposed disassociation has thus far the best thing I have pursued in life. During this time alone with plenty of time to think clearly about all segments of my life I developed many resolutions, devised methods for re-invention of my well-being, created ideas for self promotions, desires emerged for embracing some relationships, decisions to let others slowly dissipate into abyss. Typically for me, my fantasies may have blended ever so slightly with reality; I have come to the conclusion my blurred sense reality will be an ongoing issue, one to thieve on and have fun with.

- To new adventures
- To new resolves
- To re-invention

Story: The Arrangements

They finally got their act together and decided to throw a party at their not so new home, it was supposed to be a house warming but considering they have been in residence since May 2009 it was more like looking for a mutually convenient date, an event to be celebrated, Easter Saturday when most people were free...

Now came the game of invitees, a few different groups of friends to which over the years they both established do not always get along amicably therefore the recipient list needed a fair bit of attention!

What she decided upon was inviting only the people that she had seen THIS YEAR, people that were fun, the people that have been a 'friend'. Not the few girls that judged other for their life choices - so this is it. The moment of self rationalisation that involving people in life that do not enhance happiness were not to be included. The resolve was set, the party feels like it could be a start of something new - now so she doesn't drink too much, make a fool of herself and remember the event.

Life: Happy Anniversary

An anniversary... Usually reserved for the most happy of occasions - for me, maybe it is. Yesterday was my 5th anniversary of being a single woman. Independence, freedom and without the emotional roller coaster of many relationships past.

Trials, tribulations, lust, tears... All the same.

Life: Today...

Woke up with a bounce in my step for the first time in weeks (maybe months), tottering around in designer clad outfits, again for the first time in months, feeling on top of the world after childish giggles… Then his name appeared at the bottom on my screen and email from RR – I hadn’t heard from him since a couple days after my birthday with a somewhat nonchalant ‘well I tried happy birthday’. Over the last couple of months I had told myself that ‘I am over it’ but seeing his name, it felt like my heart skipped a beat… Now do I reply or let it go?

Liffe: I Won A Stubby Holder at KARAOKE!

I won the most prestigious accolade...

The night was to be a quite one, my plan was to enjoy ONE happy hour drink at the pub down stairs from work. During the ONE drink at the pub my girlfriend said she was planning a quite night in watching a dvd and cooking dinner *bright light* I invited her over to my place for dinner and a movie - why both be home alone when you can have company.

After our ONE drink we jumped on the bus to my place, now it was my intention to cook a nice meal but I was talked out of it (easily). Thai food it is...We needed to get cash so walked into my local pub for the second time and saw that they were setting up karaoke, we giggled and said after dinner we may consider coming back. We purchased a couple bottles of wine and went back to my place, sat in the courtyard enjoying the balmy evening. The first bottle always goes down so easily.

Sticking to our plan I put on a dvd, My Father The Hero - what a feel good little ditty, after such a movie, almost 2 bottles of wine and funky music we freshened and HIT THE PUB! Now this is a place that I've only been in once before for a reason, old dudes lined up along the bar beers in hand, woman in their early 40's with cellulite down their arms and the local drunk boys, which I later found out to be the local cricket team. I picked my song based purely on seeing the B52's in concert the preceding Thursday. We had to wait some time until our song was up. GLITTER ON THE MATTRESS... GLITTER ON THE HIGHHHWAAAY... GLITTER OF THE FRONT PORCH... GLITTER ON THE HALLWAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

Since we were on a high from the duet (and the man that I ended up exchanging more than just witty banter) we NEEDED to hit a dance floor, not initially what I had in mind at all we went to Minsky's to sing along with the piano man close to midnight.

Jumped into a cab, kissed the boy that will now be known as the guy I met a karaoke that never called. As we were waiting for the security check at the piano bar a woman was run over - my first aid training was almost put to use, went over to assist and the drunk scary man that was closer was taking control and doing the WRONG methods, I tried to say something... Ambulance called, nothing I could do but continue my awesome night.

Glass of water in hand and prime seats around the piano, we sang along, laughed at the clientele, all in a good night. A lady approached me and asked if my name was Mary - I was taken aback for a moment, my friends name is Mary..? "I saw you at the Bridgeview!" she exclaimed, further "You sang loveshack! You were fantastic!" CRAZY STUFF!

I chilled and listened to the piano man, was talking to the lady and her husband to the right and one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen to my left, we were singing along and playing around 'You walked into the party, like you were walking onto a yachtYou're so vain. You probably think this song is about you. You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you Don't you? Don't you?' all in good fun... He introduced me to his father, we were all talking, singing and dancing a little. Mary wanted to leave, I didn't want to leave this man - I mentioned ever so coyly that my friend was leaving, he told me I should go to as ever much as he would like me to stay he has his girlfriend at home! So after a bit of a sing along to 'You've lost that love and feeling' I glanced at my watch and it was 2.05am, decided to call it a night myself. Said my goodbye to the most gorgeous man in North Sydney and his father, his father told me to stay 'nothing good ever happens after 2am' with that said I turned away and walked out, home within minutes later. A great impromptu night

TIN ROOF RUS-STED!

Article: The Primitive Animal Instinct

I do find it rather humorous when a friend finds it necessary to send me articles titles 'He's Just Not That Into You'... If *he* was in fact interested in me, there would actually a *he* in my life - it's pointing out the obvious. With rant over, the article puts in writing much more eloquently than me the behaviour I've be accustomed to recognise.

Closer to you

The first principle is that of proximity. For animal males, proximity is all about who they let into their space. This means staking out their territory by wandering around and pissing on trees and fighting with any other male they come into contact with. For human males, that usually happens on Saturday nights after the footy. When it comes to girls, however, it’s pretty straightforward: if we like you, we’ll try to spend as much time as possible near you. The law of proximity means we’ll make the effort to be close to you (and not just when we want something). That “things-are-really-hectic-at-work-so-maybe-I’ll-see-you-in-a-week” guy who only communicates via SMS? Not into you.

Attention feminine disorder

The second principle is attention. If a male woodpecker sees a woodpecker hottie he likes, he taps out woodpecker songs he knows she digs, fetches her little woodpecker presents and generally tries to figure out what it’s gonna take to make some sweet woodpecker love to her. In short, he pays attention. The same holds true for us Homo sapiens.

So if it’s your birthday and he nonchalantly gives you a book by an author you’re crazy about, he’s been paying attention. And if he pays attention to what you’re saying and what you do, chances are he probably wants you hold your hand, test most of the Kama Sutra out on you, and then make you tea and toast in the morning. But it’s a bitch that men have one-track minds. We’ve got a lot of things to keep our mental processors busy – like keeping track of what’s happening in the premier league, memorising all the cards so we can rule at Trivial Pursuit and figuring out whether one can, in good conscience, substitute lemons for limes in a mojito. So the fact that we know that you like ‘70s rock and hate mango juice means we’re tuned into who you are. And we don’t do that for just anybody,

Mating rituals

The third principle is courtship. While for some male mammals, this means performing weird and complicated dance moves and then jumping on a female’s back and biting her on the scruff of the neck, things in the human kingdom are slightly different. Still, we no longer live in an age where spreading cloaks over puddles in front of you or challenging those who insult your honour to duels is how we show we care. But I’d like to think we do make small courtship gestures. We notice if you’re cold and whether your drink needs topping up, and rescue you if you’re being hassled at the bar by sweaty marketing managers trying to get you to touch their iPhones. We tolerate you having to play your new favourite song again and again. And we actually clean up a bit if we know you’re going to come by. We send you goofy links on Facebook if we know you’re having a hard time and need cheering up. OK, so maybe it’s not quite like writing a Shakespearean sonnet, but we do try.

Life: A Birthday Note

Some of my friends are just so wonderful!!! I had lunch with one of my girlfriends today, we spoke at great length about the year ahead being 31. The revelations, the relationships and expectations. After lunch she sent me the following email - it brought a tear to my eye... I'm so happy that she is in my life:

I think your 31st birthday should only mark one thing; your brilliance, your strength, and an acknowledgment of all the things you have experienced in life so far.

You should be very proud of yourself and know your self worth as you are an extraordinary human being.

I know your not into God but maybe the universe has given you extra hurdles to make you stronger than those around you. Maybe you are actually meant to be doing something more significant while you are on this earth than those around you.

Disappointment from those around you just creates a clearway to re-evaluate yourself, your soul’s development, and your own evolution into something even better. It is a time to move forward and that is a wonderful thing.

Life: To Invite or Not Invite... That was the Question

My birthday is coming up, Wednesday in fact - it's by no means a monumental celebration, 31, I feel nonchalance about the event. But this is Me, there's always an excuse to celebrate.

Initially my invitation was sent out via crackbook only and this was when I was feeling rather down and out and thought organising an event where I was he centre of attention would fill a void, how temporary that maybe. The impeding week saw an uncomfortable email from the man I was seeing ending whatever relationship one could describe the brief liaison and well he was on my recipient list - after weeks he still hasn't responded. Say 'maybe' at least - don't ignore it.

Last week I decided to finally get around to emailing my invitation to those wonderful friends of mine that don't use facebook at all or don't access religiously, I sat at my computer at work starring at the half dozen or so emails from RR and pondered sending him an invite, we are after all 'friends'. I had to get a second opinion... So grateful I did, here are the scenarios I would need to prepare for:

(a) him arriving with another woman,
(b) him agreeing to come and not turning up,
(c) him turning up and going home with someone else,
(d) him turning up and not going home with anyone – including you… or even
(e) him turning up, bringing you a gift, going home with you, and then breaking your heart yet again…

No invitation sent.

Life: Rant #7876542

My flat mate has started to see a new girl, her computer broke and he left her at our place today! Who is this person!?!?! Not on!

Life: Filtering a Friend - TAKE 2

It's almost a year since I wrote this post:

This is going to be hard, I have come to the conclusion that one of the girls in my life has a negative impact on me.

She is someone that I have a lot in common with, we both enjoy musical theatre, horse racing, same venues for casual and formal drinks, she's beautiful, witty and intelligent, it's shame that our other commonality is the man we dated.

I feel that every time I'm around her I'm reminded that I was inadequate for D, he wanted to be with her.

On Saturday night I went to a friend of a friends birthday cocktail party, The Doctor who use to pine for me, send random text messages brought a date to the party - my friend, this friend. To set the record straight, I have no romantic interest in this man and the last couple occasions I've been out where he has been I've left with another man. With this I'm more than happy for him to see my friends, but why this girl?

I'm fragile enough as it is when it comes to my self esteem, I can not expose myself to this slap in the face any longer... I will have to slowly filter out any and then all social contact with her for my own well being.

I guess filtering out a friend that you have so much in common with is a little easier said than done... 11 months later we still go out together, and I feel just about the same, granted the inadequacies relating to D have dissipated a little, however, 2 men that we've met together in the last 6 months have fancied her, when they learn she's not interested in them romantically, they move onto me.

It was The American I liked and worked at, hey where did that get me? Nowhere other than the recipient of an uncomfortable email a couple months later. Now it's my flatmates friend Colonel Mustard, we were all out last night (at The Doctors birthday celebration) and toward the end of the night he pulled me close on the dance floor going in for the kiss. Instead of feeling flattered I felt flat and danced away from him.

I'm through with feeling second best, if I remove her and the the spotlight always on her maybe I'll finally be out of the shadow...