Article: The Primitive Animal Instinct

I do find it rather humorous when a friend finds it necessary to send me articles titles 'He's Just Not That Into You'... If *he* was in fact interested in me, there would actually a *he* in my life - it's pointing out the obvious. With rant over, the article puts in writing much more eloquently than me the behaviour I've be accustomed to recognise.

Closer to you

The first principle is that of proximity. For animal males, proximity is all about who they let into their space. This means staking out their territory by wandering around and pissing on trees and fighting with any other male they come into contact with. For human males, that usually happens on Saturday nights after the footy. When it comes to girls, however, it’s pretty straightforward: if we like you, we’ll try to spend as much time as possible near you. The law of proximity means we’ll make the effort to be close to you (and not just when we want something). That “things-are-really-hectic-at-work-so-maybe-I’ll-see-you-in-a-week” guy who only communicates via SMS? Not into you.

Attention feminine disorder

The second principle is attention. If a male woodpecker sees a woodpecker hottie he likes, he taps out woodpecker songs he knows she digs, fetches her little woodpecker presents and generally tries to figure out what it’s gonna take to make some sweet woodpecker love to her. In short, he pays attention. The same holds true for us Homo sapiens.

So if it’s your birthday and he nonchalantly gives you a book by an author you’re crazy about, he’s been paying attention. And if he pays attention to what you’re saying and what you do, chances are he probably wants you hold your hand, test most of the Kama Sutra out on you, and then make you tea and toast in the morning. But it’s a bitch that men have one-track minds. We’ve got a lot of things to keep our mental processors busy – like keeping track of what’s happening in the premier league, memorising all the cards so we can rule at Trivial Pursuit and figuring out whether one can, in good conscience, substitute lemons for limes in a mojito. So the fact that we know that you like ‘70s rock and hate mango juice means we’re tuned into who you are. And we don’t do that for just anybody,

Mating rituals

The third principle is courtship. While for some male mammals, this means performing weird and complicated dance moves and then jumping on a female’s back and biting her on the scruff of the neck, things in the human kingdom are slightly different. Still, we no longer live in an age where spreading cloaks over puddles in front of you or challenging those who insult your honour to duels is how we show we care. But I’d like to think we do make small courtship gestures. We notice if you’re cold and whether your drink needs topping up, and rescue you if you’re being hassled at the bar by sweaty marketing managers trying to get you to touch their iPhones. We tolerate you having to play your new favourite song again and again. And we actually clean up a bit if we know you’re going to come by. We send you goofy links on Facebook if we know you’re having a hard time and need cheering up. OK, so maybe it’s not quite like writing a Shakespearean sonnet, but we do try.