You know it's time to start exercising when you get a stitch during sex!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
What Next...?
PICK up the milk, fill the tank and go whoring. In these petrol-poor times, a
Sydney brothel has come up with an innovative way of attracting customers -
offering them fuel discount vouchers.
"For half an hour, we'll pay up to 50 litres at 20 cents off," the receptionist told us. "For 35 minutes and upwards, we'll pay for up to 75 litres, and for an hour, we'll give you up to 100 litres at a discount."
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Deal Breakers
Coincidently the other night, at the hen’s function one of the girls said with such conviction ‘I have to introduce you to my brother; you’ll get along so well, he’s quirky, not as quirky as you! But quirky’ I pondered my quirkiness and thought of all those elaborate and bizarre attributes men have that I either love or loathe…
Oh, and I must add Jez' comments when I told him I had started fencing lessons, after he yelled 'En Garde' like everyone else :-p 'I always knew you were strange, but fencing? You're turning wierd!'
I’ve decided I'm going to lift my standards a little from just ‘be able to stand being around him for more than 10 minutes’ further to all my dear friends that claim ‘my idea of a long term relationship is staying to order dessert’
Here are some of my quirky attributes I lust for in a man and my wuirks that they will have to either love about me or deal with (one way or another):
Must not be shorter than me.
He must not make stupid jokes about ‘not carrying a bomb’ while at an airport – ever!
I will not date a vegetarian.
No judgement allowed for my sometimes daggy taste in music, I own: Earth, Wind and Fire, Elvis, Billy Idol, Brittany Spears and various other socially laughable albums.
Good teeth, I had too many years of orthodonture, if I were to ever have a child it’s gotta have half a chance of decent teeth.
I don't like one syllable names, I prefer a man with 2-3 syllables in his name, I feel there’s more emphasis and passion when I’m yelling it out in bed through pure ecstasy!
He must understand that often, after sex I will say ‘what do you want to do now’ and jump up. Life is too short to do the obligatory hug.
He must know more than me about the following topics:
- Cars
- Sport
- Construction
I can’t date a gut that wears diamond encrusted sun glasses.
A non-smoker (I travelled with my smoking ex-boyfriend, he sent me crazy).
He must not make that slurping sound while eating.
A nice nose – I just don’t like mine. See above re: teeth.
When he tells a story not to reuterate everything each party has said. Give me the deatials in point form.
No judgement allowed when I’m dancing to Elvis while vacuuming. It’s my thing, just leave it.
Non-snorer, I’m a very weak sleeper, I need my sleep, I’m grumpy if I don’t sleep well. This is in the best interest of man.
Good hand writing as mine looks like chicken scratches.
To like one of the following:
- Baroque Period/Opera
- 1920’s Jazz
- 1950’s Musicals
Preferably be able to speak another language as I can not.
I do not ‘go camping’ I don’t care how appealing you make it sound. My idea of ‘roughing it’ is sharing a bathroom. This. Will. Never. Change.
No judgement allowed if I eat an entire sticky date pudding in one night.
I will be interested in what you are saying, but I have a short attention span. Allow for it.
When it rains, most of the time I will walk and enjoy the cool drops on my skin, other times I will squeal, curse and run undercover – There is no way of knowing which way I’ll act
He must not bring any food products into the bedroom. I firmly believe food and sex are indulgences to be experienced separately.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Letting Down My Guard… Maybe…
I agreed I will not write off Mr Leather Jacket/Sabre boy too early, I have a distinct pattern of dismissing men at their first sign of weakness.
There is already something bothering me, it’s so minor, not even worth mentioning. I’m overly content with being single and I really value my time. I must take a couple of deep breathes and ‘just let it happen’
Hey, why am I hypothesising about this, we agreed to see each other on Friday; my money is on an uncomfortable text cancellation...
I LOVE My Friends
Thanks babe! Now I’m fantasising…




Friday, August 25, 2006
CNN on Holiday
The theory that Julia and I came up with while we were in Fiji over the New Year is there seems to be a huge world story every time we’re overseas, the birth of this theory was when we became ingrossed by these issues that usually only get 10 second airing time on our tabloid news. We were intrigued with the intricate details surrounding the Russian/Ukraine Gas Crisis.
While I was in Italy last year the only program in English was CNN, I heard about the Michael Jackson trial over and aver and over… once again CNN was like a drug.
Going back a little further, on work holiday December 2004, I can remember it like yesterday, sitting on the lounge in the arms of my boyfriend at the time watching the Tsunami in Indonesia engulf the land. CNN coverage on repeat.
As my dear friend Julia say’s about Australian news: ‘Where else but Australia can you get 10 minutes of news, 15 minutes of sport highlights and 5 minutes of weather updates?’
Nothing Surprises Me Anymore…
Thursday, August 24, 2006
A Bit of Fun
Bad Day Continued…
On my way to the airport I raced a WRX – I lost! I lost a race against a P-plate WRX! I’m ashamed of myself. Any cheap and cheerful modification ideas are more than welcome. Com’n boys!
I craved a Krispy Kreame, I don’t know why, I’m not the biggest fan, but being at the airport I bought 1 original glazed and wandered over to the arrivals section, first thing she says to me ‘no wonder you’re getting fat, eating those donuts’
……
I enquired about her trip, general, specific after all I was only there 2 years ago, absolutely nothing positive to report, she couldn’t wait to get home, food horrible, people unfriendly, nothing to do at Waikiki, shopping was bad, Sunset Beach had no waves… The list went on. Sounded like a completely different place to the one I visited (even though that holiday was the straw that broke the camels back, the end of Tiziano and I)
My little phone starting singing to me, telling me to Flaunt It… It was Mr Sabre, he cancelled our lunch date for Sunday. Hey, at least it was a phone call and not a text message.
A few text messages being exchanged with my dear friend getting married on Saturday, this Saturday! I’m sincerely excited for her! What to wear??? I tired on my Alberta Feretti dress, this time it wasn’t a struggle to get on YAY! Cutting my daily Caramello Koalas down to only ‘a couple a week’ really helped, but, it still doesn’t fit right, next item DVF top, I purchased it when I was really whinging about my chunkiness, now it hangs and gapes on me! Fuck! Third item lucky, I will be wearing the dress that Julia gave me – Thanks babe! Give me some business cards, it’s such a beautiful dress, I’ll network for you :-)
In the office this morning my colleague is in a bad mood (again) I feel like I’m walking around egg shells, at least I get pick of music, ‘martini lounge’ love swing, ‘Mack the Knife’ is playing right now… Must focus today, I have a long drive tomorrow at least 3 hours out of the office – clear weather please.
I’m looking forward to tonight; Hairdressers! I haven’t been for… I’m embarrassed to say, over 4 months (yep, I’m oh so girlie) I’m getting the big chop! Looking at about 5” off and I’m tossing up playing on the red and go fiery or darker for a bit more exoticism…
Monday, August 21, 2006
Quick call from the former BB
- After he ‘car sat’ for me last year he is now looking at buying an Audi S4, wants me to accompany him while car shopping. YAY!
- He has ‘met someone’, but in his own words, ‘not that great in the looks department, I need to focus on the personality, it’s really not going to work’
- The invitation is still open to join him while he brings the new boat from Brisbane to Sydney… Maybe I’ll go…
- He is my designated date for the wedding on Saturday and he asked if I would like to stay at his place after the ceremony, I said 'and cut off any other possibilities, we’ll see how it goes.'
Saturday, August 19, 2006
What’s the Challenge?
I’ve also indicated how poor I am at the getting to know you part of dating; I just believe I’m not good at it, maybe I’m impatient, I just don’t ‘hit it off’ with many people generally, I unfortunately come across as disinterested when I am listening, I’m aware of this so I over compensate and run the risk of appearing too interested. On the other side of the coin, I usually have a million other thoughts streaming through my mind at any one time and no matter how interesting the conversation is I’m always drifting in and out, I find it hard to concentrate. Damn you short attention span!
Once I’ve overcome the establishing interest hurdle and numbers have been exchanged. Bare in mind, I only ever give out my number if I do want to hear from them again or if they are in bed with me at the end of the night (I haven’t perfected the art of saying ‘let’s call this what it is – a one night stand’) if I’m not interested and ‘exchange numbers’ topic is touched on occasionally I take theirs…
Okay so, let the games commence. Round 1: The waiting game, the phone call or the text message, the ‘3 day rule’ not wanting to come across as too eager or heaven forbid ‘desperate’. Making the arrangements, not to make yourself ‘too available’ as specified previously, you don’t want to come across as overly keen.
I have a major issue when it comes to making the arrangements, I do have a habit of booking up my weeks on end, I have commitments to take into consideration, when I’m orgainsing a date, I can’t help it sound aloof. I’m always saying ‘I can’t do this day’ ‘oh, I have something on that night’ inadvertently I sound like I’m not interested.
What if I I’m asked a specific date and I’m free, does that then mean I’m not a challenge? Is that only part one of the challenge? Trying to meet at a mutually convenient time?
Once the relationship and the 'getting to know you' segment of the dating game has commenced, interest is then established (further than the initial coffee) is the 'challenge' over? Then, why is it the guys want the challenge and loose interest when they don't have one?
Friday, August 18, 2006
Hitting the Snooze Button
Thursday, August 17, 2006
When Do You Cross That Line?
Prostitution? I've been asked out a few times by GD over the last couple of years, I do enjoy his company, and he's fun, young and cute. When I say young, I went to his 20th birthday party last year; he is the cousin of Jez' the hot cheating body builder Jez' and I do exchange those looks and say he's young and let so much pass.
Back to the question on deck. that line, he works for audi spare parts and my car is falling to bits, he has offered numerous discounts if I go out with him.
If I really liked him, that question wouldn't be on my mind, right?
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I’m Growing Up In The Wrong Period
Venice in 1700’s circa Casanova and La Fince… Hence, my love of historical fencing (first lesson last night)
Chicago 1920’s – 1930’s the Roaring Twenties / Jazz Era
Venice:
Enriching music, paramount historical advances, high treason, conquering land, marriages in aid of setting up alliances, a very different time…
Who would I have been? Such different times… A librarian was held in high regard in those times and it was not appropriate for a woman to work, A Venetian Courtesan? It would be the only way to live, I'd be traded in marriage to conquer more land...
I blame watching The Court Jester, exposure to Opera, fascination of Casanova’s seductions.


I love the music, I love the fashion, I love the men, I love the little bugsy car’s, I love the ol’ fashion ideals.
I think ‘who would I be?’ If I lived in that era, my dream as a little girl was to a dancer, to be in shows on the stage... I’ll blame my exposure to such shows as Singin’ in the Rain and Chorus Line as I was a youngster.
I’m fully aware of Black Tuesday 1929 and life would’ve been difficult to say the least but this is my fantasy.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Bits and Peices no. 9
+ I have a deep seeded fear of being locked in a ‘garbage room’
+ I have 3 posts in my drafts folder, just sitting there because the images I have don’t want to load :-(
+ I don’t have time for pussy men. I use the word pussy to describe weakness and I’m usually on the receiving end of a confused look.
+ A friend of mine made me feel really old, she didn’t know who Alf was!
+ It’s very entertaining trying to explain to a non-aussie the joys of winning a meat tray!
+ Dancing around the office to:
Ø Yeah – Usher
Ø Groove is in the heart – De’ light
Ø Free Your Mind – En Vouge
Ø Land of 1000 Dances – Wilson Pickett
+ Left field conversations:
Ø Czech desserts in the shape of penis’s
Ø A new phrase ‘pretty poof’
Ø A while ago: What tastes better Jaffas or m & m’s? What are better The Cheesecake Shop cakes or Michel’s Patisserie cakes?
Ø How many tribes are in Tonga?
Monday, August 14, 2006
Point. Hen. Cha.
Friday night was my first night out in the area in looking at buying, my property background sends me in to do 3 months of research before signing any dotted line, so each weekend I’m going to try and hang out in the locale’ I must try out the pubs (also the cafes, boot makers, butchers and fruit shops), all the important issues for me.
I had the pleasure of enjoying the company of a couple of cool cats, it’s so unbelievably refreshing to be hanging out with a couple guys that are interesting, intelligent and witty… Gotta love that!
I’m concerned about one of my girlfriends, I haven’t seen her in a few months (busy schedules on both parts), almost every sentence she started with *insert boyfriends name* and I went here. *insert boyfriends name* said this. Me and *insert boyfriends name* are going there sometime…. Later the group of us were talking about relationships, I hope she is happy in the relationship not just a relationship…
Saturday was another week of back to back open house inspections, I’m so relieved Vikki accompanies me, gives directions and confectionary. I feel conflicted being ‘the purchaser’ I’m used to being the agent. We had a bit of time to kill between OFI’s, there we were sitting and drinking outside a pub at midday, all class us gals. Who do I see? A guy I went to school with ‘Julia, you changed your name? Did you get married?’ ‘Uhh… It’s N; yes I changed my name, no, no marriage’ thinking, I only saw this guy a few months ago and he has been texting Julia to go out for coffee for months – strange.
Then I had to dress up for the hen’s night, I was dreading this night, the hen’s night that I will only know the bride to me and her mum. The night that girls believe gives normal young ladies permission to dress and act like skanks for the night and I’m just not into it. To my pleasant surprise it was all lovely, I was seated between a vivacious girl and the bride to be’s mum. Dinner was at Wildfire, I had to take a second during the night to simply gaze over the table through the windows at our Opera House, lit up with white lights, how lucky are we. Dessert time, Wildfire has some of the best deserts, the soufflé is unbeatable! No one was ordering dessert! Ahhh! Major issue! I wanted to soufflé I don’t really know anyone, I can’t be the only soufflé eater, I yell out over the table to the hen, she agreed to share with me, the yummiest soufflé, the other girls missed out. In your face! Yum!
Location change for the hen’s celebration, Opera Bar, once again, attention was drawn to the beauty of this city, sipping a glass of red while peering over to the bridge… I didn’t last too much longer, 5 blonde English girls didn’t talk to anyone other than themselves and a couple of her work colleagues turned their back on me and the other girl that only know the bride. Why do girls do that over the age of 13?
Sunday morning, up bright and early to meet the girls, Julia and Jules for Yum Cha, yummy Chinese food after a night of drinking – perfection. I’m so jealous, Jules is going to be working in Dubai. Great food, great company and Luke Ricketson is so much better looking in person. Then there was a stroll through Chinatown and the markets.
Exhausted, I went home to relax, watched Munich and made a couple of deals with myself. This weeks task… I’m to go 4 consecutive days alcohol free, Pilates 3 mornings; I start Fencing Tuesday and to make it all the easier, mother goes to Hawaii tomorrow.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Blog Life and Commitments…
I usually stay within my ever expanding blog roll and comment here and there, some of you have become really great blog buddies, keeping me entertained with your witty banter and deep theories of life, relationships and love. I Laugh mostly and on occasion become misty eyed, I love you guys!
So, as a sequel to my How Do I Know You? post a month ago, I’ve decided to register by commitments to you and what I’ve agreed to do within my blogging community:
I’ve agreed with Scorpy to assist in sculpting a cult
The Reverend Timothy and I will attempt to ‘set up’ our friends, yep there is a distance issue that we are yet to resolve
Julia and I are starting a petition to bring more European Porn to a television near you! If only I kept a register of every other bright idea we’ve had over a couple bottles of wine or champers – Oh yes, speed dating! Julia, I'm not joining you on your latest social experiment no matter how much you ask!
I’m going to be a backup singer to Steph’s band
Going to start a ‘dating agency’ with Jeut to introduce skanks to muscle heads
Scorpy and I have agreed never to ‘settle’ in a relationship
One day I’ll join Cibby at one of his Rugby get togethers all in the interest of perving on men ;-)
I’m going to teach Nick to be a petulant brat
ChickyBabe and I have agreed to… this is hard CB… No Caremello Koala’s for me and chocolate cookies for CB. Oh and I’m sorry if I’ve induced the alcoholic within, with the introduction to Vanilla Vodka and Vodka Jelly ;-)
The Relaxing Night In…
- Samantha throws her dirty martini in Richards face after her cheated on her
- Charlotte believes in only ever having 2 loves
- Carrie has a great date with her city
- Miranda comes to the realisation, she’s now a mother
- Samantha papers Richard’s area with ‘cheater’ and ‘liar’
- Anthony tells Charlotte to snag a sailor
- There are sailors everywhere
- There are sailors in uniform dancing
- The music. 2 of my favourite songs The Temptations ‘I Can't Get Next to You’ and Otis Redding ‘Try A Little Tenderness’
I poured another glass of wine, return messages and calls, if I have one more person say ‘Hi stranger!’ They’ll never hear from me again – I get busy! I have commitments!
Another glass of red while I watched NCIS and then off to bed, last night… No reading, I didn’t want to have my light on.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I’m Ahn-dre-ah
MD’s wife’s 60th birthday today, I’m calling every Christian Dior store/outlet/supplier in Sydney to find an evening watch band for a specific collection.
Anyone lives in Melbourne coming to Sydney before 5.00pm that can fly one up for me???
Update: My adventures as a temporary personal assistant continued for most of the afternoon… Peruse the Malice Collection Christain Dior wrist bands, evening selection of course, I then needed to purchase the cake, Simone Logue Double Bay here I come. All done in his AMG SLK 55 Mercedes :-)
One of Those Nights
After the heated discussion that ended with her saying ‘you’re not my daughter’ I trotted off to my bedroom to happily read myself to sleep, time passed, pages flipped... I could’ve sworn I heard my name, my ears tweaked, that is someone calling my name… I looked out my window, there he was, TAB guy with a smile from ear to ear. How the fuck do I get out my way out of this one and get back to bed?
I didn’t realise that I was that capable of being a bitch! I basically told him that I didn’t appreciate him coming past my house unannounced. His smile dissipated and he’s continual pleads for me to come down stairs for a ‘warm hug’ (was he crazy? I was in my warm house in my PJ’s.) Were not met…
Please no religious debate here, click next blog 9/10 you’ll find one; I’m just expressing my opinion/recounting the events of the night.
Monday, August 07, 2006
I’m in Love
Floor Play

The music was wonderful, so much so I purchased the CD, which I seldom do, the dancers were stunning and the movements executed with such precision and high energy. So sexy! The music was right up my alley with such tunes as ‘Swing Swing Swing’ and 'It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing).



Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
RENT
I saw the latest production of RENT the musical last night. It’s been around for many years and somehow I’d missed it.
Last nights performance had a fabulous cast, fantastic music, sensational singing, brilliant band, tremendous costumes. But, I didn’t like it, okay, I didn’t like the content. I couldn’t relate to a thing and I wouldn’t want to!
The ‘real life’ of squatters, Aids, junkies, transsexuals, a woman leaving her boyfriend to be with her lesbian lover is something I have no interest in being exposed to, I was tiered which may have contributed to my non enjoyment, I could’ve quite easily left at intermission. It’s a personal thing, everyone else loved it regardless of matter. If you have an open mind (more then me) go and enjoy, it’s an absolute bargain at $35 a ticket.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
My favorite cousin, I will coming to Australia at end of year, love you and miss you soooo much!
I can’t wait! I’m so excited! This will be her first trip down under. I only met her and her husband May last year in Czech Republic; we clicked the instant we met. I now have this flutter of excitement, this is the feeling I think I’ve been missing over the last few weeks, maybe months – I didn’t have anything to look forward to, now I do. This may be the inspiration I really required to get myself together…