Relationships, the dating game (yes I said game – Indiana, David, Nick, don’t jump down my throat). I’ve mentioned many times that ‘having a boyfriend is not on my priority list at the moment’ I need to confirm this statement is 100% sincere. However, if a man comes out of the wood work and sweeps me off my feet I’m not going to say no.
I’ve also indicated how poor I am at the getting to know you part of dating; I just believe I’m not good at it, maybe I’m impatient, I just don’t ‘hit it off’ with many people generally, I unfortunately come across as disinterested when I am listening, I’m aware of this so I over compensate and run the risk of appearing too interested. On the other side of the coin, I usually have a million other thoughts streaming through my mind at any one time and no matter how interesting the conversation is I’m always drifting in and out, I find it hard to concentrate. Damn you short attention span!
Once I’ve overcome the establishing interest hurdle and numbers have been exchanged. Bare in mind, I only ever give out my number if I do want to hear from them again or if they are in bed with me at the end of the night (I haven’t perfected the art of saying ‘let’s call this what it is – a one night stand’) if I’m not interested and ‘exchange numbers’ topic is touched on occasionally I take theirs…
Okay so, let the games commence. Round 1: The waiting game, the phone call or the text message, the ‘3 day rule’ not wanting to come across as too eager or heaven forbid ‘desperate’. Making the arrangements, not to make yourself ‘too available’ as specified previously, you don’t want to come across as overly keen.
I have a major issue when it comes to making the arrangements, I do have a habit of booking up my weeks on end, I have commitments to take into consideration, when I’m orgainsing a date, I can’t help it sound aloof. I’m always saying ‘I can’t do this day’ ‘oh, I have something on that night’ inadvertently I sound like I’m not interested.
What if I I’m asked a specific date and I’m free, does that then mean I’m not a challenge? Is that only part one of the challenge? Trying to meet at a mutually convenient time?
I’ve also indicated how poor I am at the getting to know you part of dating; I just believe I’m not good at it, maybe I’m impatient, I just don’t ‘hit it off’ with many people generally, I unfortunately come across as disinterested when I am listening, I’m aware of this so I over compensate and run the risk of appearing too interested. On the other side of the coin, I usually have a million other thoughts streaming through my mind at any one time and no matter how interesting the conversation is I’m always drifting in and out, I find it hard to concentrate. Damn you short attention span!
Once I’ve overcome the establishing interest hurdle and numbers have been exchanged. Bare in mind, I only ever give out my number if I do want to hear from them again or if they are in bed with me at the end of the night (I haven’t perfected the art of saying ‘let’s call this what it is – a one night stand’) if I’m not interested and ‘exchange numbers’ topic is touched on occasionally I take theirs…
Okay so, let the games commence. Round 1: The waiting game, the phone call or the text message, the ‘3 day rule’ not wanting to come across as too eager or heaven forbid ‘desperate’. Making the arrangements, not to make yourself ‘too available’ as specified previously, you don’t want to come across as overly keen.
I have a major issue when it comes to making the arrangements, I do have a habit of booking up my weeks on end, I have commitments to take into consideration, when I’m orgainsing a date, I can’t help it sound aloof. I’m always saying ‘I can’t do this day’ ‘oh, I have something on that night’ inadvertently I sound like I’m not interested.
What if I I’m asked a specific date and I’m free, does that then mean I’m not a challenge? Is that only part one of the challenge? Trying to meet at a mutually convenient time?
Once the relationship and the 'getting to know you' segment of the dating game has commenced, interest is then established (further than the initial coffee) is the 'challenge' over? Then, why is it the guys want the challenge and loose interest when they don't have one?
15 comments:
Nat, we are soo much alike :) I hate thew initial phase and I am sometimes told I am not interested but if you have heard all the same stories (but from different people)before they can get a bit boring, especially if they haven't really done anything. Lived in the same area, never moved, never challenged themselves and the list goes on :( I have the date tomorrow with my Boss' wife's best friend - this could be a bad career move...
I accept that it's a game - and one that I'm not particularly good at for lack of experience.
Having been on a number of dates this year, there have been a few memorable ones, a few forgettable ones, but only one where I felt a connection more tangible than our first kiss. She is beautiful in a way that goes beyond mere beauty, she is exquisite in every regard.
In terms of challenges, from a male perspective, Once the relationship and the 'getting to know you' segment of the dating game has commenced, interest is then established (further than the initial coffee) is the 'challenge' over? Not at all! The challenge then is maintaining her interest, in competition with other men and the distractions of other women who may cross my path.
In terms of the latter part of that challenge, for me fortunately those distractions have been educational in helping me redefine my ideal. And on occasion as a wake up call to draw out the "getting to know you" process.
crazy, crazy, crazy idea Natalie. Just be yourself. It's not meant to be a throw away remark. ;)
Scorps, I’m happy I’m not alone. It’s all too much effort for me at the moment...
The boring people stories are the worst! The issue is, there are so many boring people out there!!!!!!!!! How do you get away from them? The drink escape, the bathroom break, do I just have to say ‘I’m just not that into you’ Grrrr
I wish you all the best on your date. Don’t take it too seriously.. And don’t worry, I won’t get jealous ;-)
Nick – Exquisite. Wow! She must be some catch… So, are you being successful in maintaining that interest or is that a bit of a challenge?
Ant – we are playing by default! I also hope that one day there won’t be a game; it will be easy and fall into place. I guess its all good to keep our selves busy in the interim but in doing so are we inadvertently cutting ourselves off to possibilities?
Oh Oh oh, have you seen the movie swingers? Must watch, the whole 3 day call back thing is hilarious ;-)
Thanks GB, I think I’m ‘to much myself’ sometimes and require a little more mystery, there’s a challenge!
Oh, it's a challenge alright - still, the best things in life are worth waiting for, and nothing that is good comes easy.
Dates are a bit like job interviews (were they always like that or is this a new thing because we're just oh so busy these days??). Personally I know I'm not very good at selling myself. Furthermore I don't want to sell myself. I don't ever want to be with someone that doesn't see something special beyond the flashy here I am schpiel. This is itself I realise is problematic because that's what people judge you on. argh.
It is a game, and thanks for reminding me why i can't be arsed having a bar of it.
If it wasn't for my quivering womb, I'd be content to stay single forever ;)
Nat, I'm glad youre not jealous. I'd hate to think I wrecked my chances :) The date will have to be posted about later YES...It is 10:20 pm and I'm already home!!!
Ahh, the game... Well, I say have a great time. Take control, don't be a role player!
I, if part of the field, would truly enjoy it.
I hate the experience of dating, i find it so nerve racking and stressful. Certainly no game.
Nick – the best things in life are free.. all good things come to those who wait… blah blah blah
M – I think it’s because we’re so busy these days and we are always looking for something better. You opened a new can of worms here, ‘the act’ on the date. Are we on our best behaviour? Am I being ‘more interesting Nat’ ???
Steph – I’m strangely content with the thought of being single if for ever, I have the bestest friends and I don’t have any desire to have kids which makes it easier.
Scorpy, you home by 10.20pm! Me, 3.30am :-P (damn taxi turn over) I did read your post, the getting to know you aspect is getting harder and harder, my obscure dichotomous nature – good luck to men
David – I will try to remember that, control.
Greg – It is stressful, hence the reason I call it a game. We all want the same outcome!
It's become a game because people don;t know how to be honest about what they want, and who they are. It shouldn't be but sadly it is.
And as for guys not sticking with someone when she is no longer a challange...I think that hat is worn by both genders.
I'm all for ignoring the '3-day rule'... what's up with wanting to call, but not letting yourself?
Guys do love a challenge, and we are naughty once that challenge has faded!
Indy, what if who you want to be and who you are are not one? (new issue here) Many woman are in a relationship because they believe they should be and its not what the really want. And as for guys not sticking with someone when she is no longer a challange I concur.
Cibby - yes, call when you want (as long as it's not after 10.30pm on a school night)
ooooooh, the "3-day rule". Hmmm... my wife has forgiven me, but never forgotten the fact that I never called her the day after we hooked up the first time. I said "I didn't want to appear too keen, and then I just got really busy, and before I knew it a month had passed and by then I figured I'd left it too late anyway".
"3 day rule"? You're sitting by the phone, mooching around, sighing, and going "maybe he just doesn't want to see me again."
I call HOAX on the 3 day rule!
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