Do you have that one person in your life that you have known for many years, not a thing in common anymore other than knowing being an observer in each others life over the years?
We have known each other for approximately 15 years, she considers me as one of her closest girlfriends, I’ve been requested to be the ‘un-official brides maid’ at her wedding in a couple months, (in other words she isn’t having anyone on a pretty dress standing next to her but requires someone to advise if there is lipstick on her teeth or hair is falling out of place).
Over the last couple of months I’ve felt a rift between us more prominently.
We are extremes*:
She likes to camp, I consider sharing a bathroom ‘roughing it’.
She drives her economical car from A to B, I drive my over powered sports car like I’m on a race track.
She wears sensible shoes and I totter around in inappropriately high heeled stilettos.
She is engaged, I’m living the single gal life.
She loves lounge music; I’m an R n B girl at heart.
She has never coloured her hair, I can barley remember my natural hair colour.
She has been at the same job since she left uni, I average a year and a half in each job and I never went to uni.
She believes every situation should be fair; I look at the way I can earn a bit of money from every situation
* neither are better, just pointing out the differences in personality
I now feel I can only take her in ‘small doses’ this feeling has steamed from only a few words she has uttered:
We have known each other for approximately 15 years, she considers me as one of her closest girlfriends, I’ve been requested to be the ‘un-official brides maid’ at her wedding in a couple months, (in other words she isn’t having anyone on a pretty dress standing next to her but requires someone to advise if there is lipstick on her teeth or hair is falling out of place).
Over the last couple of months I’ve felt a rift between us more prominently.
We are extremes*:
She likes to camp, I consider sharing a bathroom ‘roughing it’.
She drives her economical car from A to B, I drive my over powered sports car like I’m on a race track.
She wears sensible shoes and I totter around in inappropriately high heeled stilettos.
She is engaged, I’m living the single gal life.
She loves lounge music; I’m an R n B girl at heart.
She has never coloured her hair, I can barley remember my natural hair colour.
She has been at the same job since she left uni, I average a year and a half in each job and I never went to uni.
She believes every situation should be fair; I look at the way I can earn a bit of money from every situation
* neither are better, just pointing out the differences in personality
I now feel I can only take her in ‘small doses’ this feeling has steamed from only a few words she has uttered:
- ‘N, you don’t travel, you holiday’ - WTF! And the difference is?
- ‘I have my hens night coming up soon, you’ve only met the girls once before and you got off on the wrong foot, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort to get along with them’ – Is that supposed to make me want to go?
- Travel talk. She said ‘You haven’t been to the USA’
Me ‘yes I have, I’ve been to Hawaii’
‘Yeah, but Hawaii isn’t part of the USA’
Me: ‘So you’re telling me, Tasmania isn’t part of Australia’ GF interjected to mediate
Do I really need someone in my life that speaks to me in such a deprecating manner? Does this girlfriend enhance my life? Why do we maintain friendships (I use the term loosely) just because of history? (Or am I the only one that keeps these relationships flowing?)
I’m considering not attending the hens night, not that I enjoy the ‘hens’ experience, a group of girls acting like clowns that haven’t seen a cock before, screaming, falling down the street and getting drunk on ‘mixer-drinks’ – it’s just not my thing. I can’t terminate a 15 year friendship because of a few derogatory comments, or can I? I wont do anything before her wedding, its not in my nature, she’s under a lot of ‘stress’ organising and planning, I wont throw in a friendship issue at this stage. I’ll be up for an Oscar, ‘the best performance at a hens night and wedding goes to Miss N.’
- ‘I have my hens night coming up soon, you’ve only met the girls once before and you got off on the wrong foot, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort to get along with them’ – Is that supposed to make me want to go?
- Travel talk. She said ‘You haven’t been to the USA’
Me ‘yes I have, I’ve been to Hawaii’
‘Yeah, but Hawaii isn’t part of the USA’
Me: ‘So you’re telling me, Tasmania isn’t part of Australia’ GF interjected to mediate
Do I really need someone in my life that speaks to me in such a deprecating manner? Does this girlfriend enhance my life? Why do we maintain friendships (I use the term loosely) just because of history? (Or am I the only one that keeps these relationships flowing?)
I’m considering not attending the hens night, not that I enjoy the ‘hens’ experience, a group of girls acting like clowns that haven’t seen a cock before, screaming, falling down the street and getting drunk on ‘mixer-drinks’ – it’s just not my thing. I can’t terminate a 15 year friendship because of a few derogatory comments, or can I? I wont do anything before her wedding, its not in my nature, she’s under a lot of ‘stress’ organising and planning, I wont throw in a friendship issue at this stage. I’ll be up for an Oscar, ‘the best performance at a hens night and wedding goes to Miss N.’
7 comments:
You can always say yes to the hen's night then the last minute have "commitments" that came up ;).
People drift apart in some freindships, and while I am not one to dump a friend, there comes a time when you questions if this is really a friendship anymore or someone who always wants to be antagonistic.
My best friend and I have been through a lot, and we diverged at times because we had nothing in common (and she used to drive me batty) but we made it through. I'd hate to look back now and think I could have ended it. We're like family.
Maybe explain to her after the wedding how her comments make you feel. She may not realise it has that effect on you.
Too funny, this is your stars for today on the news.com.au website.
"Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 22
It's probably time for a whole new set of friends but some of the planets could cause you to discover the darker side of people. Ordinarily you may be prepared to turn a blind eye and let people be who they are however you may feel as though you are ready to step into a whole new circle of friends. Why not?"
Hmm. Babe, my thoughts are that a true friend is one who can put up with the annoying little consequences of friendship. You're friends, not married to each other - stay in contact, hang out occasionally, but don't go on holidays, and think of her thus - great blog fodder...And just because someone goes to Uni, doesn't make them smart - clearly!
Ohhhh, tricky one not being in the thick of it.
I once had an old freind, whom I had not seen for 5 years, basically turn up on my doorstep with his fiance and ask me to be his best man. Pow! Just like that. We'd drifted apart ( he even lived in a totally different state ) and I really didn't feel we had a great deal left in common. Even when he still lived here we had less and less to do with one another.
But I did the job, and I'm glad I did. We kept touch pretty much from then on, and today William is now one of my oldest freinds ( even though him and his lovely wife have fled interstate again! ).
So maybe sometimes it's worth taking the chance. But if she's a biyatch after the wedding, kick her ass outta your life! LOL
This is a tough one, diversity usually is a positive thing in a friendship it allows us to take ourselves less seriously, on the other hand there are people who enter into a self-destruct downward spiral of negativity and want others to be on the same road with them.
The tough part is deciding which of these is the case. Perhaps a quiet period, as ChickyBabe suggests, is the best option.
Friends are not forever. They're just for Christmas.
Wombat
i think this is one of those friendships that doesn't need to be "ended" with a big ceremony or anything but you need to "drift apart". So start making excuses not to go to every event she invites you to. Eventually it will be just a passing hello every now and again and that's probably the way you want it.
cBabe – I love that you used ‘commitments’
I never want to dump friends, I’ll let this relationship just drift and I try never burn bridges.
I really hope it’s unintentional; I would hate to think her intentions are malicious.
Ant – I always have a back up excuse ‘commitments’.
As soon as I wanted to talk about anything in my life, a light switched off in their eyes until the conversation came back to them again. – I experience that with a few friends, acquaintances. I accept that’s who they are and I have a core group of unshakable friends that I can divulge everything about my life and feel no judgement.
It’s the comments and the overall ‘superiority’ she projects…
Nick – LMAO! I don’t believe in that balderdash! Coincidence maybe…. I choose vert very carefully who I go on holiday with ;-)
General Boy – An old friend showed up after 5 years and requested you be Best Man! WOW! Imagine how he is towards his ‘other friends’.
I will put on the brave face at the wedding and make sure I look absolutely stunning ;-) unfortunately I’m invited ‘solo’ no partner and the extra expense etc, the only person I will know other than her parents and the groom naturally is.. wait for it… my former bonk buddy… The plot thickens…
David – I thrive on diversity in relationships, most friendships only associate with one small aspect of my multifaceted personality, I think it works that way.
A slow, silent drift on the cards…
Wombat – LOVE IT!
M – I’ll let it slowly drift, the thing is, there won’t be mush of a passing hello, we only have 2 friends in common…
Janina – welcome. I wanted to broach the subject a week ago but we were with a large group, it is eating me up inside, I hate feeling this way about ‘friends’. She is extremely organised and wont sway towards someone she’s known longer than another she has more in common…
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