I was tired, really tired. I’m starring at the corner of the ceiling at 3.32am I choose that corner as it is the only portion of the room that has a bit of light, my eyes are drawn to it.
My mind was racing, bouncing around incomplete memories, incomplete ambitions, incomplete strategies, incomplete motivation, preposterous scenarios …
+ It’s not that bad having a stalker, he put money in the parking meter for me so I wouldn’t get booked. Stop thinking that it's creepy he was around and recognises my car and waited till I got back to tell me he put in extra money.
+ Focus, you’re not where you should be, you have to start…
+ Why am I looking at the only light in the room is that supposed to be symbolic?
+ I’m so happy I got to watch the repeat of Getaway, I really have to save to get to Peru do the Choquequirao trek and Machu Picchu next year, how am I going to buy a place in the next few months and still get to South America... Focus, you’re not where you should be, you have to start…
+ Start planning Peru. If I start planning and booking, I will have to save and stick to my budget. Okay, meet Cecilita in Florida, go to Mexico with her and Peggy, fly to Peru, stay with Cecilita and Margaret. Rodrigo said he will come with me; factor in Chile, Chile with him first? He wants to go to Mexico and Brazil, I want to go to Brazil.. This is going to be expensive… I need to do something, must focus…
+ I think so little about some of the men I meet. Wow! There are men out there that think that little about me…
+ Why is it I really don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment? N, you’re not where you should be, you have to start… Focus. Then it will happen, it will all happen.
I willed myself back to sleep, it was a struggle...
My thoughts plague me all day today, I want to be alone, gather my thoughts, gain some direction. I feel like crying, but I won’t let myself shed a tear for my own incompetence in non achievement.
Tomorrow will be another day, but I have another night of tossing and turning to get though.
4 comments:
I have those same self-doubts, those same insecurities, and fragmented-sleep nights. I'm not where I want to be, I want a house or at least an appartment. A relationship? That might be nice, but it's all the timing, now, later, here, there? Answers? I'm not sure. They'll come, I can only do so much to prepare, waiting is the worst part.
Let it out, Nat. We tend to hold back so much yet we need release from these emotions. As exhausting as it may be, it can be liberating.
it's all the timing, now, later, here, there? Answers? I'm not sure. They'll come thats me nick
Thanks CB, i wish i could release more but it's all incomplete...
Refshion your compatibilities. No?
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