Why Presume Negativity?

Thanks for all your kind words from the last post.

I’m taking a look in my mirror and seeing what others see of me from my actions, words and expressions…

One word: I yelled out ‘CUNT!’ and slammed down the phone while we had a new guy in the office on a trial period, he said ‘I didn’t think I’d ever hear that word come from you’

One smile: There was talk about a smaller Christmas Party for just ‘the boys’ of the office. Men’s Gallery, they didn’t think it appropriate for me to attend nor be interested. I smiled and said ‘What! Sign me up for that one!’

One smirk: I was running a scenario by a colleague and the smirk appeared, she said ‘I didn’t know you had it in you, you are the wrong woman to cross’

One action: I was searching the streets for parking when my parking spot was taken. A rude bastard had witches hats blocking an area, I asked how long it would be blocked off, he told me ‘as long as it takes’. Rude prick! I put my foot down in a road rage-ish manner, my MD saw my driving and thinks that’s how I drove his Merc… Never.

One non-action: I spoke to our solicitor, she was advised of a little altercation I had with a colleague (not any of the above), she asked if I was okay and if I cried. I said ‘No, I’m not going to waste any energy on someone like that’ she expressed her surprise and admiration.

They judge me. Is that how they see me, the real me and I’m blind? I’ve come across as introverted and a walkover. This is how people see me just because I’m calm, rational and accommodating. People are so quick to categorise my persona on a brief meeting. I didn’t think I portrayed myself in such a manner. I’m happy with my relationships with people generally; I’m *fairly* content with myself. I’ve often been told I come across as aloof so I’ve been consciously more attentive and considerate. I guess I’ve gone too far and didn't see it.