I was invited to L’s birthday drinks last night. Since the invitation arrived I’ve created fictitious excuses to avoid going, I’ve also requested a girlfriend to be my date – so mean of me to consider exposing my friend to this array of people. Miss I’m a vegetarian but eat chicken, Miss I run many of Sydney’s best restaurants, and Miss loud finger sucker at dinner table, Mr & Mrs perfect life, Mr & Mrs I’m so fucking wealthy now bow down to me.
Of course I attended, braved the chilly weather, didn’t succumb to my cold. I went with the intention of having a couple of drinks and be back in bed by 9pm. I arrived later than anticipated, searched the venue and greeted L. with some birthday cheer, while we were talking I scowled the room, no one there I want to entertain so much as a 30 second fake conversation, I went to the bar and ordered a cocktail, $17.50 and at least 15 minutes later (the bar was dramatically understaffed) I went back to the designated area. I spoke to L’s husband briefly, when I say briefly it was more displaying a lesson from one of my friends that told me the best conversationalists are ones that has the other person talking constantly so I asked many questions (none returned).
One of L’s uni friends arrives, the only one I care for. Her and her husband are lovely, real people and the only other patrons under the age of 36. L is chatting away, giving the run down on how perfect her life is, it made my skin crawl. Her words exactly ‘my life and my husband have exceeded all my expectations’ – I can’t believe she said that! She then asked C her uni friend whose recently married, they’re happy etc and than she asked me. FFS! I felt the judgmental demeaning sensation flow over me. What do you think; the last 3 years haven’t exactly gone to plan.
I left and was in bed watching a DVD snuggled with I. Once the movie finished he asked me to stay, I may be in that self-destruct mode but there’s no way I’m going there. He joked about bringing out the cuffs, no no no…. I went home and straight into my own bed, well I’m house sitting so it’s kinda my own bed. As of today I still feel a bit crappy despite the grand efforts of one of my girlfriends who called me last night and today.
Of course I attended, braved the chilly weather, didn’t succumb to my cold. I went with the intention of having a couple of drinks and be back in bed by 9pm. I arrived later than anticipated, searched the venue and greeted L. with some birthday cheer, while we were talking I scowled the room, no one there I want to entertain so much as a 30 second fake conversation, I went to the bar and ordered a cocktail, $17.50 and at least 15 minutes later (the bar was dramatically understaffed) I went back to the designated area. I spoke to L’s husband briefly, when I say briefly it was more displaying a lesson from one of my friends that told me the best conversationalists are ones that has the other person talking constantly so I asked many questions (none returned).
One of L’s uni friends arrives, the only one I care for. Her and her husband are lovely, real people and the only other patrons under the age of 36. L is chatting away, giving the run down on how perfect her life is, it made my skin crawl. Her words exactly ‘my life and my husband have exceeded all my expectations’ – I can’t believe she said that! She then asked C her uni friend whose recently married, they’re happy etc and than she asked me. FFS! I felt the judgmental demeaning sensation flow over me. What do you think; the last 3 years haven’t exactly gone to plan.
I left and was in bed watching a DVD snuggled with I. Once the movie finished he asked me to stay, I may be in that self-destruct mode but there’s no way I’m going there. He joked about bringing out the cuffs, no no no…. I went home and straight into my own bed, well I’m house sitting so it’s kinda my own bed. As of today I still feel a bit crappy despite the grand efforts of one of my girlfriends who called me last night and today.
4 comments:
Go for a walk somewhere new today. Have a coffee, get some sunshine. Change perspective.
And then...write a list of the things in your life you're grateful for. Forget the other stuff for now. Focus on that list.
If you do....I promise you will feel better.
xx
pinks
Nat,
Not quite sure which part you are a "bit crappy" about.
It cannot be the 'life exceeded expectation' woman as anyone who would even say that cannot think it. She is a 'would be' who cannot fathom expectation nor happiness.
It can't be that you had a snuggle.... we all want (and need) those.
It can't be the thinking that life may not be where YOU thought it would be some years ago. You have a filled and wondrous continuing journey complete with deep emotions both high and low (which is what makes life) and exciting range of engaging and pleasurable activities.
Stealing a quote off Mr Albert Schweitzer:
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success."
I am happy to even provide examples of your happiness - hence success - off your own blog:
Travel (speaks for itself)
Activities (Fencing, dancing, movies, opera, theatre, dining etc.)
Music (in general - but The Basement gig you were so excited and happy about)
Family (your cousin is here soon)
Friends (you have many and varied people in the Natalie enclosure who care about you so much that they miss the time you DON'T spend with them)
Friends (just see blog for the extended network!! And we are people that 'read' you everyday to become part of your life)
You are happy ergo YOU ARE A SUCCESS!
I agree with Wal.
As for L... seriously anyone who brags about their life does it because they are insecure about it!!!
Put on Bridget Jones' Diary or something similar, drink a bottle of wine, and cry until you can't cry any more. Than you'll get up in the morning laughing at yourself!
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