Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Reflection. Appreciation. Consideration. Deliberation. Celebration.

After the last couple of weeks I’ve endured, I wanted nothing more than to spend time away from home (not including time spent at work) a factor I needed to take into consideration, I didn’t want to be around people generally.

Thursday and Friday nights alone at the flicks
I had 2 pre-paid movie tickets due to expire on the 31st March and the time was slipping away from me. I decided to go to the movies alone. I’m not a stranger to solo-flicks however I usually go on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon as a time-filler. It was not the daunting experience I thought it would be… I saw Inside Man on Thursday and Walk the Line on Friday, true it was the 6:30pm session on Friday, I wouldn’t attend a 9:00pm alone partially due to the safety risk of getting back to my car at the end. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

To rent or to buy
That is the question. Saturday morning I was running around from rental property to rental property, suburbs varied in demographics dramatically and distances between appointments were approximately 20 minutes apart I starred out the window at one stage and thought “I don’t know what I’m doing”. It was only September / October last year I was looking to purchase a property all on my own and it was achievable, then came my 2nd retrenchment for the year followed by “temp work” technically unemployed for 3 months. My dream had been postponed and if I look at it honestly, purchasing is not in the foreseeable future. But do I actually want to postpone the purchase for a further extended period?

After inspecting too many horrible, sub-standard properties we stopped for lunch (at 4:00pm) at a new Mexican joint in Rozelle, we shared numerous Mexican delicacies, including a jug of Sangria, I noted I hadn’t consumed any alcohol in 11 days and I remembered previous post in February where I was proud of myself for avoiding alcohol for 4 consecutive days?

Saturday night
True to current unfortunate form, I didn’t want to go out anywhere on Saturday night, the idea of bumping into (literally bumping into) any person the consequential pain would be too much to bare. I decided to stay home and watch Flight Plan and The Constant Gardner. I was totally content with my decision until I stepped back and deliberated over the fact no-one has contacted me inviting me out. In some fucked up way it made me upset even though prior to this one thought I was utterly content.

Michelle and Terry's engagement party
Sunday was the big engagement party for M and T, kick off was 5:30pm, Julia had organised the present and very kind to drive me up to St Ives. There were to my quick calculation over 180 people in attendance, later advised there were almost 400! The present table for overflowing with gifts from numerous home ware stores all typical, we spent a good part of the party with the Sicilian in-laws at an Israeli / South African gathering. Monique and Russel announced their engagement on the night and a small part of me wonders if they intentionally wanted to steal the spotlight? On farewells Michelle gave me the biggest hug and I froze, the pain shot through my body in a way I can not, do not want to explain, we looked at each other, she realised and tears started to swell in our eyes, surrounded by a few onlookers with quizzical looks as we starred at each other so intensely. I do love that girl!

Apparently before the speeches, before the main bulk of guests arrived T asked M “since all our friends, family are here tonight and the R, do you want to do it tonight, get married, right here, now?” I would have jumped at the option, however they decided to “do it the right way”.

Back to the norm on Monday, trying not to think too much about Wednesday. Today. 1:15pm today. My appointment to get my results. My concentration is inferior, I keep saying to myself “this to shall pass” and look forward to the future, when I will be me, just me again.

Monday night M. called me to apologise for the hug and brief me on the main events of the night before. Shock at one comment by our mutual friend “was I happy enough for you tonight”. A huge laugh at her letting “the ring” slip off her finger. The all important question for me “can I ask you something, can I give you a job for the next few months? If my life is consumed with weddings, family and the dress can you make me aware of it? I don’t want to be one of those brides. You’re my only (gotta get this right) cut throat blunt friend that will tell me the truth”. We were talking for almost 2 hours and I wonder why talk to me for that long? She received 4 calls on her mobile in this duration, I’m no-one when it comes to the wedding, she has 6 bridesmaids to talk to and she choose me *eyes watering with happiness*

Last night I met J. and had a much needed chat, a drink and gentle hug. We are both different people from what we were this time last year, I can’t help, it’s so selfish of me, I’m happy that she broke up with her boyfriend last year – our friendship is on a level of such significance, it could never have been reached should the circumstances been different. I'm myself, all my flaws visible, its all on the table when I’m with her, I can only hope and wish to one day stumble across a man that I can truly be me. J. if you were a man I would marry you! Mwah!

1 comments:

Julia said...

Mwah right back atcha - love you my darling.