It hit me like a tonne of bricks a moment ago.
I have a girlfriend coming over for dinner tonight, I've cooked lasagna. Nice creamy béchamel sauce and lots of mince, tomatoes, lots of garlic and chilli.
Well, my friend is Jewish and Kosher. I'll deconstruct for those staring blankly thinking, so? Kosher means not allowed to eat meat with diary - what to do?
But, the think that gets me is the fact a couple of years ago we would go out for breakfast and she would order bacon and eggs (a big no-no). Now that she has this 'boyfriend' correction fiancée and he is overtly religious, So she has changed for him, now a strict good little Jewish girl.
Why is it so many women change themselves to 'mesh in' with their prospective others?
I know it sounds like I'm on my high horse here. It's just I have been there, changed myself for a man. Truth be told, I was a different person when I was with him, after that isolated experience, I have vowed to be completely myself, sometimes obnoxious sometimes insecure - that's me. Take it or leave it! Because I wont change for anyone.
Rant over. Now what do I do for dinner?
I have a girlfriend coming over for dinner tonight, I've cooked lasagna. Nice creamy béchamel sauce and lots of mince, tomatoes, lots of garlic and chilli.
Well, my friend is Jewish and Kosher. I'll deconstruct for those staring blankly thinking, so? Kosher means not allowed to eat meat with diary - what to do?
But, the think that gets me is the fact a couple of years ago we would go out for breakfast and she would order bacon and eggs (a big no-no). Now that she has this 'boyfriend' correction fiancée and he is overtly religious, So she has changed for him, now a strict good little Jewish girl.
Why is it so many women change themselves to 'mesh in' with their prospective others?
I know it sounds like I'm on my high horse here. It's just I have been there, changed myself for a man. Truth be told, I was a different person when I was with him, after that isolated experience, I have vowed to be completely myself, sometimes obnoxious sometimes insecure - that's me. Take it or leave it! Because I wont change for anyone.
Rant over. Now what do I do for dinner?
Update: My dear friend came over and brought a salad instead of the typical bottle of wine, she knows I'm a part time alco, but she doesn't drink. She had the salad and I ate my YUMMY lasagne! It was a last minute dinner date anyways...
14 comments:
I agree that you shouldn't ever change your personality or yourself totally for someone else.
A female friend of mine who was less than well endowed in the boobs department (actually she was quite flat) was cajoled and encouraged by her then boyfriend to have implants. She did and things were fine, but years on, she's no longer with the guy. Sure she doesn't mind the extra cleavage, etc but she feels fake, and that her breasts are not as attractive as a result. She has to live with the consequences of a man's infatuation with breast size.
I guess with your friend though, she's not just marrying a man, but an entire religion and way of life. I applaud her for doing that, and going through all the other "conversion" processes as well, in the name of love, which is after all why she's doing it.
So, in summary, hehe - a permanent change to your body or lifestyle for the sake of a man, unless you are married or in your friends case, intent on marrying, is not a good idea.
Dietary changes in the name of religion, I can understand that - and I think you're a good friend for remembering and feeling bad about your mistake.
you've already cooked? oh well - it's not like you can suddenly whip up a vege lasagna instead! Something simple then? Maybe a tuna salad or something?? Pasta salad?? Pasta + napoletana sauce? pizza? bah.
I feel that if you have to change a whole philosophy of life just to please your partner then there are choppy waters ahead for the relationship. Noone needs to change that much if they're with the one who really loves them for who they are. Sure there will always be compromises but that's not a compromise...
On a lesser note, it bugs the BEJESUS out of me when I see girls changing their football team so they can have the same team as their husbands. I know of three girlfriends of mine who have done it and I can't think of anything worse. I'm not big on the footy or anything (definitely not) but you can bet that I won't be changing my (loser) team for anyone. Hell no! In fact, it's more fun if you get to rub it in every now and again isn't it? ;)
Easy. Give her a bowl of microwaved 2 Minute Noodles while YOU eat the yummy lasagne! Yum! Send some my way! haha
Nick expresses my thoughts, although in different way, over time intimacy brings likes and dislikes of the couple closer together. I do not see this as changing for someone but amalgamating.
I think this is missing from many couples today. Their interests are not the same and while they maintain the facade they actually drifting apart.
For your friend, well, either some spaghetti with butter and Parmesan or she will have to tough it.
Bacon thickshake?
Wombat
how did the lasagne turn out?
Had a friend like that. I used to go through a lot of trouble for her, ie cooking 2 different things when inviting people over, and she hardly used to touch the food.
Lettuce leaf next time.
Nick – I would never go under the knife for anyone – fuck them! If they are not happy with the way I look they sure are not going to like my ugly vicious aspect of my personality.
I also believe it’s a good thing to compromise in a relationship as long as you’re not compromising yourself.
Mez – Yep, cooked, the timer was due to ding in 5 minutes when it hit me…
I agree with you totally in relations to the foundations of the relationship.
Love the footy teams… Where these girls big fans? I would never change codes, league gal here – I’d rather stick bamboo under my finger nails than watch AFL or rugby union. That’s who I am! I’m a Roosters fan since knee high to a grass hopper and the fun rivalry would make it fun! I heard, Origin series when husband and wife cheer for apposing teams the loser has to wear the winning team’s jersey to bed – all fun!
Jeut – I have lots left over, enough for 4 more meals. Come over ;-)
David - I think this is missing from many couples today. Their interests are not the same and while they maintain the facade they actually drifting apart. I hope I’ll never be one of those couples…
Wombat – Prawn mouse
Vik- it was fantastic! Thanks for the recipe!
cBabe - You cooked 2 meals? OMG I would expect her to be licking the plate!
take out the mince, and it's kosher!
Or just go all the way: bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers. mmmm-hmmm. why not for dinner?
well we don't really watch rugby union OR league much down here (though it's getting popular these days) so it's strictly afl code. The girls in question were so-so fans. Ie: would watch once in a while and go to some games. Actually, one was a complete obsessive (sorry, take it back) and throughout courtship maintained own team and then as soon as the ring came on, the footy team changed with the last name! I thought it was disgraceful myself.
lol at jersey in bed. That's exactly what makes it fun!
Oh Cibby - YUMMO! Add avacado and that would be one of my favourite things to have for lunch!
I wish it was so simple to just take out the meat. She wants a Kosher kitchen when she gets married i.e 2 sinks, 2 dishwashers, 2 sets of cutlery $$$$
M - I agree. Disgraceful!
She brought a salad!! LMAO!! I did say lettuce leaf! Sorry... I'm in a weird mood.
LMAO cBabe!
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