I love gift registries, I mean I really love them. I have a wedding to attend in January, the bride and groom have 2 registries active. Peters of Kensington and Myer, someone needs to advise Myer that its 2006, seriously, no online shopping?
Well, after my rant a few weeks ago about the art of giving gifts now it’s my turn to purchase. So I figure as a wedding guest the bride and groom are spending $120 to $180 per person to attend (I actually know the exact amount, love my friends, they can complain about these things to me. Kosher weddings are expensive!) as a guest I should purchase a gift to the same or similar value as the cost of having me there.
I had a look at both lists, prices of items range $35 - $750, I figure the majority of guests would be spending the same amount as me, basing that assumption on the above theory, so I’ll try to get in early, not having to spend over my budget for the occasion.
The issue I have, there are a few items in ‘my price range’ that I dislike, I’m aware I shouldn’t impose my personal taste onto another. But I can not come to terms with putting money on something I don’t like. Is it wrong not to purchase a gift on a wedding registry that you don’t like when it is what they want?
Well, after my rant a few weeks ago about the art of giving gifts now it’s my turn to purchase. So I figure as a wedding guest the bride and groom are spending $120 to $180 per person to attend (I actually know the exact amount, love my friends, they can complain about these things to me. Kosher weddings are expensive!) as a guest I should purchase a gift to the same or similar value as the cost of having me there.
I had a look at both lists, prices of items range $35 - $750, I figure the majority of guests would be spending the same amount as me, basing that assumption on the above theory, so I’ll try to get in early, not having to spend over my budget for the occasion.
The issue I have, there are a few items in ‘my price range’ that I dislike, I’m aware I shouldn’t impose my personal taste onto another. But I can not come to terms with putting money on something I don’t like. Is it wrong not to purchase a gift on a wedding registry that you don’t like when it is what they want?
18 comments:
Gift registries are a way for modern couples who often come to marriage with loads of household goods already, or having lived together for a time a chance to "suggest" things that would be useful.
This is a pragmatic approach to the old "3 toasters" scenario that often occured, it ensures that gifts are useful, not of a dust collecting variety and can be used practically to support the marriage and the couple.
There is nothing wrong with buying whatever you like, it is your gift to the couple...and therein lies the catch it is a gift to the couple, not to the one you know the best, which is often what happens when one buys what you would like...
...my suggestion if you go out on your own, buy something useful for the couple, or buy something for her, and something for him (which of course can always be lingerie for her) ~grin~
I hate registries as it surmises that I actually WANT to buy them something in the first place LOL...Here is a tip...Don't spend your life savings on a Dress which you will wear once, a ring that is after all only a TOKEN and a Wedding that you will pay off longer than your mortgage and you won't need presents ~grin~
Think of it this way: they've put it on their registry, so they do need it. Birthdays and whatnot you can get more personal; weddings, especially here we're they're actually moving in together, you bite your tongue and get them what they want and need.
I'm with Scorpy on this one... I'm not interested in the whole wedding thing, with all the parties and events and rehearsals... there should just be a big party and that's it.
And instead of presents, just money. So good!
Scorpy, cibby......werd brothers, werd!
I don't like the idea of registries any more than I like the idea of people handing out lists of birthday or christmas presents. If they're so set on what they want why don't they just sell tickets to the wedding and buy themselves stuff?
If you're all calculating the wedding cost and spending accordingly for registry gifts, it's pretty much the same thing, but with more feelgood factor, isn't it?
I'm a bit unromantic, I think.
Indiana... I won’t go out and buy anything on my own, I'll use the registry, i'll purchase something I like and would be really happy to receive myself :-) I did however laugh at 5 cutlery sets on the list, it's almost as bad as 3 toasters :-P
Scorpy, you're showing your bitterness a little :-) I want to elope in Vegas, that’s my opinion on the whole wedding charade, no big meringue dress here nor bridesmaids - i'll be in for the presents though :-)
Julia, have you decided what you're getting them yet?
Cibby, I'll take as many parties as I can. Hehehehe like you didn't already know that one, you attended 2 for just my birthday and only my 28th ;-)
Mushroom, big party and big presents for you?
Chesty - I've seen some horrible gifts, at least this way the happy couple are eliminating a lot of 'return to merchant' trips :-)
Off topic - but I'm curious: I can't right click on any of the links in your posts to load them up in a new window or tab (I do that so I can keep reading while things load) without getting told off. Am I doing something bad?
Eloping to Vegas would mean you could get married by Elvis...cool!
oh nat - you sooo share my secret dream of eloping to vegas. Elvis :)
I'd buy from the registry, because I know from my friends when they made up their registry they really thought of things they were dying to have but couldn't afford (because of the price of the wedding probably! hehe). So yes, buy from that - the exception to the rule is if you're a REALLY close friend and you know of something else that would be great that they'd both love.
I'm so with Indy when he said that you have to watch that you don't buy for one of them more than the other so that it becomes a gift just for her or him though. That can actually be really hard to monitor!
I ditto Julia in that the register is everything they want and need, which is kinda the idea of it. But then why bother getting a gift that you'd hate to give.
Also with Chesty I always right click but your links tell me to sod off.
I thought I was going to be very different from most instead I find their ideas similar to my own. I see gift registries the same as giving money.
I do not give money as gifts unless I am very sure that the money is essential for the couples survival.
Hmm, not sure - registries are practical and useful, but are fairly unromantic. And I always feel a teensy bit like "well, just be thankful you're getting anything at all" when I look at them...
The perfect gift reflects something about the giver, the givee and the relationship between them. If you want to buy something that you think they will like, but isn't on the list, I think they'll appreciate the extra thought and effort that you've put in. Plus, part of the point of gift-giving is that your personal is reflected in what you give...
oh, no, i will be the last person to talk on this subject. i'm totally clueless with gift, really.
It's your money- don't spend it on something you hate. I'm sure you can find a compromise on the list!
Indy, you know me well enough by now, I'd love to get married at the elvis chapel, then take the faux gondala ride :-P
Mez, its uncanny how much we have in common!
registry it is :-)
Lucy, I found something on there I do like, the cutlery set :-)
David, gift registries, gifts, money its all the same really - well it is to my pocket :-P
Ant, Ohhh "well, just be thankful you're getting anything at all" is something that always crosses my mind.
the point of gift-giving is that your personal is reflected in what you give... very true! What does that say about someof the items i've recieved in the past? Ha!
Treespotter, so the registry is your friend..
Sarah, I have :-)
Rus A - Love it! Hilarious, only if i can get the DVD of the advertisement hehehehhe
Well you know my favourite gift: voucher for a nice dinner that they can have post-wedding.
The thing is, they are moving in together, so they need all this stuff, so I have absolutely no problem with a registry in this case. It's ridiculous when a couple have been living together. I see that as quite greedy.
Regardless of what I want to get, I'd buy them something from the registry. If it's what they want, why not give it to them? I draw the line at registries with super expensive lists though!
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